Desperate Businesses, Dumb Inserts, Zuck’s Piggy Bank, & Why Your Checkout Sucks

This week, we’re dragging businesses stuck in the “thirst trap” phase, roasting brands that treat customer experience like an afterthought, dunking on wasted marketing inserts, and questioning why you’d rather fatten Zuck’s wallet than reward your own customers.

Here’s the heat:

🔥 Jimmy says your desperation is showing—badly
If you’re still begging anyone with a pulse and a credit card to hire you, congrats—you’ve become the Walmart of your industry. Spoiler: Nobody brags about shopping at Walmart.

🚫 John calls out brands that make buying harder than filing taxes
Slow shipping, clunky checkouts, and ghosting customers after they buy? John’s been shopping, and most brands are painfully bad at taking money. Fix. Your. Funnel.

💸 Amer wants to know why you’ll fund Zuck but not your customers
You’ll happily drop $50 on Meta ads hoping for a maybe, but giving the same value to a loyal customer? Suddenly, you're stingy. Here’s a thought: happy customers refer their friends for free. 

📦 Bryan says marketing inserts are a waste—and Elon agrees
Be honest: When’s the last time you read one of those cringy flyers stuffed in a package? Exactly. Stop printing discount codes destined for the trash.

This edition’s spicier than your hottest competitor’s ad copy. Read it, learn something—and if it hits a nerve? Good.

Live Shopping & Social Commerce: The Next Big eCommerce Revolution? - EP34

In this episode of the ASOM Pod, the crew gets real about live shopping — is it the next big thing or just another fleeting trend? They discuss the differences between influencer vs. creator marketing, why testing across multiple sales channels is a must, and the brands that are already cashing in. Plus, there’s some spicy convo around whether TikTok should be acquired by a U.S. company (cue the drama.) Grab your headphones and check out the episode here.

Your Desperation is Showing: Why Being Everyone’s Business Means You’re Nobody’s Business

As I start a brand new business, I wanted to rant about something I’ve learned over time… and something that I think every NEW business owner should look at. 

Let's talk about that awkward phase every business goes through – you know, that 'I'll take anyone with a pulse and a credit card' era. 

Yeah, that desperate dance we've all done. I see you nodding.

I’ve done it.

Remember when you'd jump at every LinkedIn message, take calls with 'entrepreneurs' who were really just tire-kickers with fancy titles, and spend hours crafting proposals for people who couldn't afford your morning coffee budget? 

Been there, done that. 

Here's the spiciest truth you need to hear: Being a business to everyone who will give you money… makes you valuable to no one.

You're out here trying to be the Walmart of your industry when you should be aiming to be the Hermès. 

And no, this isn't about pricing – it's about knowing your worth and having the backbone to stand by it.

The moment you start treating your business like an exclusive club instead of a desperate singles bar is when everything changes. 

Suddenly, those clients who ghosted you are sliding into your DMs, and those who said your prices were too high are asking about availability.

But here's what nobody tells you about business maturity: It's not about who wants you – it's about who YOU want. 

That shift from 'please hire me' to 'here's how I work' isn't just about confidence – it's about survival.

Every time you take on a client who's not your ideal fit, you're essentially putting up a billboard that says, 'This is the kind of work I do.' 

And trust me, your dream clients are watching. They're seeing who you work with, what you tolerate, and what kind of business you really run.

So here's your wake-up call: Stop being the business equivalent of someone who swipes right on everyone on Tinder. 

Have some standards.
Set some boundaries.
Be willing to say no.

Because the truth is, if you're everyone's cup of tea, you're probably just hot water.

And if this post makes you uncomfortable, good.

Your next level of success is probably sitting on the other side of saying 'no' to the wrong clients and holding out for the right ones.

Time to grow up and choose your table – because you can't sit at all of them

Build a business that you’re proud of, doing work you enjoy with people you enjoy.

And it won’t eliminate the stress, but it will keep you excited. 

The Brands That Nail Experience Win, Period.

I have bought a ridiculous amount of stuff online recently.
And let me tell you, most companies make it way too hard to give them money.

❌ Slow shipping with zero updates.
❌ Checkout pages that feel like filing taxes.
❌ Customer support that ghosts you when you actually need help.
❌ Poor onboarding. No real education, no guidance, just a receipt and silence.

The worst part? None of these brands even realize how bad their experience is.

Want to see if your business is guilty of this?
Be your own customer.

✅ Buy from your own store using a personal email. Is checkout smooth or frustrating?
✅ Track your own order. Do you actually get updates, or is it radio silence?
✅ Have an issue or question? Make one up. See how your team handles a little friction.
✅ Pay attention to the emails you get. Do you actually help customers use the product, or do you just send them a receipt and disappear?

At BattlBox, we live and die by this.
We constantly test our own experience because we know one bad interaction can lose a customer for life.

If your customer has to Google how to use your product, you failed.
If they buy and do not hear from you again, you failed.

If any part of your process is frustrating, fix it.

Because in 2025, customer experience is not a “nice to have.”
It is the only thing keeping customers from leaving.

And if you do not get it right?

They will find someone who does.
And they will make sure everyone else knows about it.

The best brands make it effortless to buy, trust, and actually use what they bought.
Everyone else is just hoping people put up with them.

You Give $50 to Zuck, But Not to Your Customer

Is that not weird? You dish out money on Meta…and as long as there’s margin you keep pushing, and pushing, and pushing…then you get burned, you panic, you fix….then you go back to pushing, pushing, pushing to Zuck.

Why not put 1/100th of that effort toward your existing customers?

You won’t you give $50-$75 to a customer… but you will to Meta?

Or even better, you won’t offer free products as a gift along with a product that has a $75 value, but you will to Meta?

I am talking about referrals…existing and past customers.

Does Meta go on social to tell their friends and family how you well they were treated by your brand?

No! But your customers do!

Referred customers also have a much longer LTV, especially those acquired via paid media.

Value your existing and past customers.

Invest time into referrals and push them as much as you push your media buyers.

Hot Take: Marketing Inserts Are a Total Waste

Let’s be real here folks, when was the last time you actually read one of those glossy marketing inserts tucked inside your package? If you’re like me (or, frankly, most people), you probably glance at it for half a second before tossing it straight in the trash.

Yet, brands keep spending thousands on these outdated little flyers, hoping they’ll magically boost customer retention. Spoiler alert: they won’t. The modern consumer doesn’t need another generic discount code or a thank-you note they know wasn’t handwritten. They need a seamless, memorable unboxing experience that makes them want to reorder… no extra paper required.

Want to make a real impact? Invest in better packaging, product education, or even a QR code leading to exclusive content. Give customers something they’ll actually use, not something they’ll immediately discard.

Let’s stop wasting money on inserts no one reads and start putting that budget where it actually moves the needle.

P.S. If Elon and DOGE were looking at your expenses, marketing inserts would be the first things cut. 

And that’s a wrap on this week’s unfiltered takes! If you’re hooked on our no-BS rants (or just love the chaos), be sure to hit that Subscribe button and let us keep your inbox spicy. 🌶️

And of course, don’t be selfish—share with your friends, coworkers, or anyone who needs a wake-up call from their boring newsletters.

Have an ASOM day ✌️