Lazy Marketers, Profit Callouts, and RTO Takedowns

This week, we’re tearing apart basic marketing fails, the never-ending conference hamster wheel, and ranting about profits—because someone has to say it: vibes don’t pay the damn bills.

Here’s what we’re digging into:

Bryan’s Profit Manifesto: Forget vanity metrics—Bryan’s on a warpath against likes, followers, and other meaningless fluff. If your fancy Instagram carousel isn’t paying your mortgage, Bryan’s here to remind you it’s just noise.

Jimmy’s Marketing Meltdown: Jimmy’s officially done with basic marketers chasing trends like headless chickens. Copy-pasting viral tactics? Automating the soul out of your campaigns? Jimmy’s not just calling you out—he’s handing you the L.

Amer’s RTO Reality Check: RTO vs. Hybrid vs. Remote? Amer’s over the noise and calling out corporate dinosaurs clinging to outdated policies instead of focusing on results. Less micromanagement, more trust, please.

John’s Conference Circuit Circus: John breaks down his 2025 event lineup and why he’s prioritizing firing underperforming tools instead of buying shiny new toys. Spoiler: He’s also skipping the yawn-inducing speakers—because real insights happen at the bar.

Brace yourself—this edition is fiery, bold, and guaranteed to ruffle some feathers.

Hot Takes and Predictions for eCommerce in 2025- EP28

In this episode we’re diving headfirst into bold predictions for 2025. Covering everything from the rise of subscription-based businesses to the seismic shifts driven by AI, the crew explores the future of eCommerce, social commerce, and beyond. Grab your headphones and check out the episode here.

Forget Growth, Let’s Talk Profits.

Alright, entrepreneurs, listen up: it’s time to stop chasing vanity metrics and start chasing something we can actually spend…PROFITS. This year, no one cares about your Instagram followers, your TikTok views, or your adorable “brand story.” If it’s not paying your mortgage, it’s just vibes. And vibes don’t pay the bills.

The E-Commerce Apocalypse is Here

Between rising ad costs, supply chain drama, and Karen leaving a one-star review because she “didn’t like the box design,” the game has changed. It’s no longer about scaling to infinity or “investing in growth.” No, 2025 is the year of show me the money or shut it down.

Remember all those cool startups that burned VC cash like they were heating a campfire? Yeah, they’re gone now, and guess what? They didn’t have to pay themselves out of their own profits. We do.

Why Profits Are Sexy in 2025

• Cash Flow Is King: Running out of cash isn’t a vibe—it’s a bankruptcy filing.

• Debt Isn’t Cute Anymore: Remember when people were cool with maxing out credit to “scale faster”? That ship has sailed.

• Ad Costs Will Make You Cry: Let’s face it—Facebook ads in 2025 are just a casino for people who don’t know how to spend money.

• Investors Want Proof, Not Promises: The days of selling a dream are gone. Investors want receipts, not vision boards.

Practical Tips to Profit Like a Boss:

1. Cut the Crap: If it’s not making you money, ditch it. Subscriptions you don’t use? Gone. Employees who ghost Slack? Fired. That custom packaging you think is “on brand”? No one cares—go basic.

2. Raise Prices: Yes, Karen might complain, but Karen complains about everything. She’s not your target audience. Stop undercharging and start valuing what you sell.

3. Upsell Like Your Life Depends on It: You know what’s better than selling one product? Selling three. Bundle it, upsell it, cross-sell it—whatever it takes.

4. Say No to Every “Opportunity”: If it doesn’t add dollars to your bottom line, pass. Partnerships are fun, but profits are more fun.

The Bottom Line (Literally)

This year, your goal is simple: stop the bleeding and start stacking cash. Profits aren’t just important—they’re survival. And when everyone else is panicking, you’ll be over here counting your dollars like a boss.

2025 is the year of saying, “Does it make money?” And if the answer is no, it’s dead to us.

Now go forth and be profitable…your wallet (and your sanity) will thank you.

Why Do Marketers Suck Now?

Marketers these days have become lazy. 

It feels like no one wants to innovate, dig deep, or even understand their audience anymore. 

Everyone’s chasing trends instead of building substance. It’s all about copying the latest "viral tactic" or hopping on whatever shiny new platform is trending—ChatGPT, TikTok, Threads—you name it. 

But where’s the strategy?

 Where’s the actual thought behind the campaign?

What happened to knowing your customer? 

Instead, marketers are obsessed with vanity metrics—follower counts, impressions, and likes. They don’t care if those numbers translate to anything meaningful, like revenue or loyalty. 

It's just about making the dashboard look pretty so they can pat themselves on the back. 

Spoiler: 100,000 views mean nothing if no one buys.

And don’t even get me started on personalization. 

Every marketer and their grandma talks about "personalization at scale," yet my inbox is still flooded with garbage. "Hey [First Name], you’ll LOVE this offer." Really? 

That’s the best you’ve got? It’s embarrassing.

Then there’s the obsession with automating EVERYTHING. 

Enter AI Agents, a fancy word.. For advanced marketing automation and workflows.

Automation is great, but when it turns marketing into soulless, cookie-cutter noise, it’s not a win. It's a problem. 

The audience sees right through it. 

They want connection, not another generic email or a chatbot spitting out canned responses.

They want HUMAN. 

And can we talk about how marketers now treat consumers like data points instead of people? 

It's all about retargeting, tracking, and squeezing the last dime out of every visitor. 

Guess what? 

Consumers notice. 

They resent it.

The worst part? 

So many marketers are just… uninspired. They're afraid to take risks or try something different. They’d rather follow the playbook than write a new one. 

The result? The same recycled campaigns, the same boring ads, the same uninspired content.

Marketers need to wake up. 

Stop chasing trends.
Stop worshiping algorithms.
Stop treating your audience like a spreadsheet. 

Start creating real value.
Start listening to your customers.
Start thinking like humans instead of machines.

Because right now?

Marketers suck.

Especially in SaaS. 

It’s why ya’ll all sound the same.

STEP IT UP. 

RTO vs Hybrid vs Remote: Everyone is Wrong

I am not here to debate which path you should choose or proclaim which is superior. The reason is simple..that decision, as a company, leader, or employee, should hopefully lie entirely within your hands.

Major players like Amazon, Chase, and other corporate giants increasingly favor a return to office policy. Some are even issuing ultimatums to employees.

Do I personally agree? The short answer is no. 

But, at the same time, I am not among their leadership. If those leaders genuinely believe, or possess data to suggest, that in-office work enhances productivity and drives better results for their organization, they are within their rights to make that choice.

On the other hand, employees retain the right to seek opportunities elsewhere if this shift does not align with their needs. This will also mean that companies will lose some of their best and smartest employees.

For employees, such changes are undeniably significant.

To support their workforce and minimize the impact to their workforce, companies owe it to their teams to provide ample notice. While I can’t prescribe the exact timeline, I’d suggest a minimum of three months, with six months being far more considerate.

If an organization can extend even greater lead time, all the better.

Thankfully, there will always be companies that champion hybrid or fully remote models. For employees, this means options. It’s a chance to seek out employers whose values, cultures, and operational models align with their own. That might mean joining a smaller organization, perhaps with a modest pay cut, in exchange for reclaiming hours of commuting, spending more time with family, enjoying better sleep, or embracing the flexibility to live life on their terms.

Companies should mandate a full return to the office…Wrong. Companies should act in the best interests of their business, their employees, and their customers.

Companies should adopt a hybrid model…Wrong. Companies should act in the best interests of their business, their employees, and their customers.

Companies should go fully remote…Wrong. Companies should act in the best interests of their business, their employees, and their customers.

The answer isn’t about rigidly clinging to one ideology. It’s about allowing organizations to follow their convictions while empowering employees to find workplaces that resonate with their preferences.

We have to remember with each decision families and lives are being impacted. Whatever direction someone chooses, try to chose one that will minimize any hardship on the person and the humans they provide for.

Last week Miami, Next Week Vegas.

Last week Miami, next week Vegas for SHOT Show. Travel is always crazy the first half of the year.

Looking at the calendar, I am prioritizing the conferences I will be attending in 2025.

From the DTC side of the house (excluding industry conferences) my non negotiables for the year are as follows:

- ShopTalk (Vegas - March)

- ChargeX (LA - April)

- Commerce Roundtable (Miami - April)

- SubSummit (Dallas - May)

- Commerce Roundtable (San Diego - Sept)

My priorities for these conferences are a mix of peer networking, vendor management, and solution finding. This is always my focus but with solution finding in 2025, it's a slightly different lens.

I am NOT looking for NEW solutions. I am not adding yet another piece of SaaS to my stack. I am looking for replacement solutions. Replace what current tech is doing and save me money while doing it please.

The vendor management piece is an often overlooked aspect of conferences. All of the solutions we use (well, most) will have presence at all 5 of these conferences. It gives me a moment to further grow the relationship with these partners.

Peer networking is always super important, both existing and finding new.

Unpopular opinion, I don't think I am going to learn something mind blowing or have an ‘aha’ moment from a speaker, I am trying to get my learning on by speaking with peers.

And that’s a wrap on this week’s unfiltered takes! If you’re hooked on our no-BS rants (or just love the chaos), be sure to hit that Subscribe button and let us keep your inbox spicy. 🌶️

And of course, don’t be selfish—share with your friends, coworkers, or anyone who needs a wake-up call from their boring newsletters.

Cheers to a successful BFCM. ✌️