The BS Teardown: Fake Metrics, False Gurus, and Founders Who Think They’re in Charge

This week, we’re pulling back the curtain on the business BS no one wants to talk about. From inflated egos to inflated metrics, it’s time for a gut check. Here’s what’s going down:

🧾 John’s issuing a wake-up call for founders.
You thought owning 51% meant you were the boss? Think again. If you don’t control the decision rights, you’re not the CEO—you’re just the one doing all the work while someone else holds the veto power.

💣 Jimmy’s calling out the corporate fairy tales.
Fake growth numbers. Imaginary clients. LinkedIn influencers whose bios are better suited for fantasy novels. He’s naming the fibbers and reminding everyone: your lies have an expiration date.

🎤 Amer’s got beef with the self-proclaimed “experts.”
From coaches with Canva Pro to “thought leaders” with zero receipts, the new MLM is selling advice about businesses they’ve never built. And guess what? If your only case study is yourself… you’re not leading anything but a parade of smoke and mirrors.

🙅‍♂️ Bryan’s dragging bad customer service.
Support teams that ghost customers, give robotic replies, or act like doing their job is a favor? Nah. In 2025, CX is the brand—and if you're not obsessing over it, you're basically sending your customers straight to your competitors with a bow on top.

Let’s get into it.

The Future of Customer Retention: Beyond Loyalty Programs - EP44

This episode gets real about what separates DTC from subscription-based businesses—and why keeping customers around is the secret sauce to long-term success. Expect juicy stories, smart retention tactics, and feel-good moments—from surprise-and-delight gifts to exclusive communities and fun member anniversaries. It’s all about turning one-time buyers into forever fans.

Grab your headphones and check out the episode here!

Big thanks to our sponsors at: Omnisend and Alia

Stop Pretending Ownership Equals Control.

That fantasy has crushed more founders than bad product-market fit.

Here’s the real reason startups get stuck:
They handed over veto power and didn’t even know it.

It wasn’t a boardroom coup.
It wasn’t investor drama.
It was one line in a term sheet they barely skimmed.

“Major changes require investor approval.”

Sounds reasonable.
Until you need to fire a cofounder.
Or pivot the roadmap.
Or kill the strategy that’s bleeding cash.

And suddenly, you can’t.

You’re frozen. Waiting for permission from someone who owns 12 percent of the company but controls 100 percent of the outcome.

You don’t lose control when you give up equity.
You lose it when you give up decision rights.

But most founders don’t want to talk about that.

They want to celebrate the raise.
Post the cap table glow-up.
Pretend everyone’s aligned.

So they gloss over governance.
Ignore the fine print.
Trust instead of verifying.

And when it blows up?
They act surprised.
As if this wasn’t entirely preventable.

If you don’t know who can say no,
you’re not in charge.
You’re just the one doing the work.

Next time you’re reviewing a term sheet, forget the headlines.
Ask the question that actually matters:

Who gets to decide when it counts?

Because if it’s not you,
you’re not running a company.
You’re building someone else’s.

The Bullshit Boomerang: Why your lies always come back to hit you in the face…. 

Can we talk about the professional fibbers club that's taken over business these days? 

You know exactly who I'm talking about – the ones whose LinkedIn profiles read like fantasy novels and whose pitch decks should come with a 'fiction' disclaimer.

I've watched with morbid fascination as supposedly 'serious professionals' spew absolute nonsense about their achievements, metrics, and capabilities.

It would be entertaining if it wasn't so pathetically transparent.

'We grew 400% last quarter!' (If by 'grew' you mean 'went from 2 customers to 8' while losing money)

We helped this company fill 70% of their pipeline (they must have had 2 leads and you got them 3 more…)

'We're in advanced talks with Fortune 500 clients!' (You got a polite reply to a cold email from someone in middle management)

Here's the thing about business lies that these amateur fabulists don't understand: Unlike Vegas, what happens in the boardroom doesn't stay in the boardroom. 

The business world is smaller than you think, and your reputation travels at light speed.

The clock is always ticking on your bullshit. 

Always.

Every exaggerated metric, every fudged number, every inflated claim – they're all ticking time bombs waiting to explode in your face. 

And when they do? That tail-tucking retreat is more humiliating than if you'd just been honest from the start.

I've seen it happen with clockwork precision. The founder who claimed they were 'profitable from day one' having to explain to investors why they're actually burning cash. 

The CMO who boasted about their 'viral campaign' scrambling when someone asks for the actual conversion numbers. 

The sales director who 'closed the biggest deal in company history' suddenly going quiet when delivery time comes.

The most pathetic part? 

Everyone knows. 

Your team knows.
Your clients know.
Your investors know. 

They're just waiting to see how long you'll keep up the charade before reality catches up.

And it always, always catches up.

Want to know the real power move in business? 

Radical honesty. 

Being the person who says, 'Here's what's actually working, here's what isn't, and here's what we don't know yet.' It's so rare that it's practically a superpower.

Because while the bullshitters are busy covering their tracks and keeping their stories straight, the truth-tellers are building real businesses with real results that don't disappear when someone asks a hard question.

So maybe put down the fairy tales and pick up a mirror. 

Your reputation will thank you for it

‘Industry Expert’ Is the New MLM…and Yeah You’re the Product!

Let’s make one thing brutally clear…most of these “coaches” aren’t experts…they’re scratching to get by...

They’re scratching to get by with a ring light and a Canva Pro subscription.

LinkedIn right now looks like a Ponzi scheme where the only way to win is to lie louder than the next guy. 

You got people who’ve never built a real brand calling themselves "growth architects"... people who got fired from their last agency gig now pushing $2K “strategy intensives” to founders who’ve actually shipped product.

It’s a clown parade... except every clown has a mic and a Calendly link.

Let me say it slowe…no, let me spell it pout: I-f y-o-u-r o-n-l-y c-a-s-e s-t-u-d-y i-s y-o-u-r-s-e-l-f... y-o-u h-a-v-e n-o-t d-o-n-e s-#-*-t.

If your whole career is based on giving advice about a career you’ve never had... you are the advice.

This isn’t thought leadership... it’s fraud with a filter.

The worst part? It’s infecting people who are actually trying. 

Young founders.

Hungry operators.

People looking for direction. 

And they’re getting fed recycled Twitter threads, ChatGPT-made carousels, and emotionally manipulative sales funnels wrapped in the language of “empowerment” and “abundance mindset.”

It’s spiritual MLM... with a Stripe account.

You’re not building a business... you’re building a cult of personality around a version of you that doesn’t even exist.

So here’s a wild idea…

Shut up and build something.

Get customers. Ship product. Get punched in the face by reality a few times. Hire. Fire. Grow. Break. Bleed. Earn it.

Then, maybe, come back with something to say.

Until then... spare us the “DM me to learn more” energy.
Because if your only skill is convincing people you're skilled…

You're not an expert…

You're just a salesman selling mirrors in a room full of fog.

Bad Customer Service Is the Mother-in-Law You Never Asked For

Let’s talk about something we all know too well: bad customer service.

You know the kind:
⏳ Long wait times.
🤖 Robotic replies.
🙄 Agents that feel like they’re doing you a favor by answering your question.
🎯 And zero resolution.

It’s the eCommerce equivalent of a mother-in-law who criticizes how you load the dishwasher while you’re doing the dishes.

You’re just trying to enjoy the product, the moment, the experience…. and boom: here she comes, questioning every move, offering unsolicited feedback, and somehow making everything about her.

Bad CX doesn’t just lose customers, it hijacks the entire brand experience.
Just like an overbearing in-law can turn a cozy holiday into a stress fest, poor support turns a happy buyer into a raging refund request.

Because here’s the truth:
In today’s market, CX is the brand.
It’s your post-purchase pitch.
It’s the difference between a one-time sale and a lifetime loyalist.

You can have the cleanest landing page, slickest branding, and the best UGC ad on the planet… but if your support experience makes people feel ignored, belittled, or left on “read,” you might as well hand-deliver your competitors a warm lead.

Great brands today don’t just sell, they support, listen, and obsess over resolution.
They know that customers will forgive a late shipment. But they won’t forgive being treated like a nuisance when they reach out about it.

So ask yourself:
Is your support team solving problems or causing them?
Are you creating brand evangelists, or ex-in-laws?

Because in 2025, customer service isn’t a back-office function.
It’s front stage. Spotlight on. Mic hot. And everyone’s watching

And that’s a wrap on this week’s unfiltered takes! If you’re hooked on our no-BS rants (or just love the chaos), be sure to hit that Subscribe button and let us keep your inbox spicy. 🌶️

And of course, don’t be selfish—share with your friends, coworkers, or anyone who needs a wake-up call from their boring newsletters.

Have an ASOM day ✌️